My Raft and I (part i)

I sail my ocean of self doubt,
In that dingy raft of mine

Of planks loose and frail
Lashed with that thread of confidence
I sail these turbulent waters,
That flare gun in my hand
That unspent shell,

Hope, Freedom, Life
I see planes;
mighty vessels of happy people
Yet they pass me by.
That flare gun in my hand,
That unspent shell

I Don’t Know

Salvation Light

NO, my life, can't be,
it's not my fault, yes, no
interspersed, the two extremes scream
so loud, so shriek
so sharp, so piercing
The faults lie
full of cunning ruin
I thought I could, thought I could conquer
but was defeated, humiliated
thrown headlong into mud.
At least it hides me,
hides my body, with scars etched along its sides

I grip that whip once more
Raise it up, to lash
down; my hell

Then,

Something came in
Yet it did not add weight,
it pushed out a little of the old
the old me
and made me light

What could it be,
a little hydrogen?
No not the destruction of ol' hindenburg
Mine is clean, its ablaze
but with soft light upon the lampstand

No, not helium
as I go to the streets,
the highways and the byways
I do not squeak or screech
I speak boldly
before the men of the world

It makes me light
with a little heaven
inside me
Its not an element
He's Jesus

A Little Tune

I hear a little tune in my ear
not the rock of today, nor the metal of tomorrow
something older, something newer
through the waters of time
When the glorious sheen birlliance is no more
When music loses its sheen and is deeper,
abandoned.


Yet it developed its own tune
a little more rustic, rusty perhaps
washed down, and blown
it blows in my ear, so quiet so solemn
not unlike a bird whistle
yet a little deeper, deeper
into my heart
it speaks of freedom.
Not the cunning words of a conniving bastard
but it comes from the horn of a bugle
mellow, touching my heart

Behold, shed your old clothes of despair
Curtains are no longer in fashion sir
Throw off your mask
The ball is long, past its prime
Behold the day, when old becomes new
and new turns old.

The Holy - Day

The end of the Holy - Day draws near
The saints gather for on last cheer
Raoring with gaiety, laughter
celebrating the bountiful harvest

I too clamber out of my grave
brushing away the cobwebs of illusion
struggling to see in the blinding light
6 feet under, 28 days is a long time away from the sun

Then I remembered

Why had i chosen
to lark in the playground
on the borders of the cemetery
Did I think that I could resist the crypt lord
and its minions?

Now I'm triumphant
the cobwebs oh so beautiful, intricate
have lost their charm
clinging persistently
but eventually shrugged off.
Risen from the dead
I hear the call of the saints
the whistle and cheers of angels
on this Holy - Day

Yet, Stupid to think the day is won
When the Holy - Day is nearly gone

Cyanide

A sleep of no dreams
a sleep of no return
That caress of death
that fleeting kiss
of lovers
that short moment of reunion
that lasts forever
Give me
That pill of cyanide

Alone

No one seems to share this misery
the burden of a single soul
down that path of gold
that crowded lane
so alone
down that narrow lane
I see beggars, my kindred
so alike yet different
Begging for that pot of joy
not that bag of misery

Hands raised in submission
in self pity, in humiliation

Yet I am marked
with a differnt stroke
branded with depression
not with iron
imprisoned by mind
not by bars
eternal remembrance by these scars

No one seems to share this misery
and I carry it myself

Rose

It shone, the black rose
within that hole
atop that box of lead
that housed the rain
lashing down upon the earth
and nothing more
The undying torment
filled that hole
mocking headstone, earth
man

Lifeless corpse consumed in that torrent
rose silently to heaven

I Used To Be

I used to be
a young naive child
beaming cherub model student
chubby innocent destiny

now, loner
displeased, between two extremes
within a clique so insignificant
everything is fading this year

tainted, white overladen
with black
the stripes down my road of life
black, white, black, white again
and again

I used to be...
I've lost that dream
that made it so real
I draw a flower so black
no matter how much i colour red
I know what is wrong
It's me

The Reformation Act

Man time sure flies when you got tons of homework to do. So here i am sitting here, on the last day, but of course editting the time and date to make it look like this blog was regularly updated in the holidays. Anyway, just a closing reflection... the holidays have really been holidays for me as i have not really done any homework to speak of. One thing that i have taken away from this holiday besides fun, is that i have had plenty of time for reflection. This was kind of good as i reflected why i screwed up term 2 and am determined to make term 3 different, of course in a better way! This reflection has of course culminated itself in the numerous poems that i have written. These actually reflect the ideas going through my mind when im in my various moods. I confess that i utterly suck at being a poet or writer, but nevertheless who cares... enjoy!

Cleaning up My Act...

Finally, I get to post on my blog, finally the wait of the world has been released... Finally Labour day, the slight relief from the cauldron of chaos and uncertainty has arrived...

Indeed following the weeks of my absence from the blogging scene, things have not been so rosy. Receiving a note saying "can i meet you out for lunch" from a female is certainly cool, but then when you realise that it's from your director of consortium (DC), well it does bring you back down to earth. Well, I certainly know why...

Yes its my grades. Really, an MSG of 6 or something like that is certainly something not to be proud of. Indeed, yet the querky nature in me, this extrovert like introvert like I am cant help but trumpet out this figure to evryone in a hope of soliciting their sympathy. Indeed the querky nature of human psychology.

And yes, as you have guesssed I have managed to bury my grief quite well and am coping quite well with it. Thousand apologies to those who have been made to suffer due to my consitent emo mood and depression like expression that has been a constant fixture on my face.

However, in the midst of this incredible slump, this has certainly resulted in a large amount of reflection on my part. As according to my pedantic nature, i shall now proceed analyzing the failures of mine.

Math - Clearly a case of addiction to some online game which has resulted in the partial ignorance of this topic. A tinge of overconfidence here and there as I had assumed that studying in recess was a suitable way to take in information, whilst studying just before the test was my idea of keeping the topic "fresh" in your mind before the test. IN the end the stark realisation hit me - real hard, worse than jerrold colliding with my nose when playing soccer - when you are nervous, it is the things that you study for a long time that remains in your mind. YOu revert back to your roots, your prior knowledge the knowledge that you have honed rather than the knowledge that you have just gleaned from your last minute studying. Well, math is all about practice -- a lesson which i feel i have learnt well over the past few weeks.


Chinese - Well, also due to that spastic online game which now looking back isnt really so fun anyway. Studied chengyu but didnt study ciyu and that resulted in my downfall. PArtly due to the lack of time to study. But then again... The Li jie was definitely unfair but you cant blame the marker when it is a societal problem -- the education system in singapore stilfes your creativity and you soon learn that for comprehension questions -- no matter how much the teachers say is an inference question -- IT isnt really YOUR inference, but the examiner's inference. If YOUR inference does not match, you pay the price. So much for Chuang YI which is translated into creativity... But of course, living in singapore you have to do what Ceaser does, errr no Mr KY and his associates say, and adhere to the system.

Chemistry - Finally something to trumpet about, yet there is a sadness about me as I realise that in my effort to boost my science scores (my traditionally weak subject) my other scores were greatly affected. STill one must not be so materialistic when it comes to scores -- I have gained lots of information about molecules and chemical bonds. Although i dont see how learning about molecular interaction will help me in life, well USEFULL knowledge must be learnt. (HOpe i didnt come out sacarstic there, the capitalization was unintentional. HOnesT!! ITs pretty random... )

PHysics - Here my grieviances are culminated in. Studied real hard for it too, like chem. Like chem it culminated in a B3 something which is respectable in my opinion. Then comes the online quiz which i didnt do and is unfortunately 30 percent of the final grade. SHIT (pardon the language) 30 percent -- for something which everyone copied and got full marks -- What the Heck? Are they mad?? !!! Well, but its still kind of my fault cos i didnt do it. SHEESH is all i can say. You just cant please everyone. If i had done the onlien quiz i would be kissing the teacher who made it cos i would have gotten at least an A2. BUt well now... its a different story.

IH --Tests have not come back -- but looks screwed to me in my opinion -- HIstory had poor time management -- Geog had misinterpretations of 2 diagrams = GG!!

Well so this is my reflection on the tests i have done. I really hope that i have learnt this very painful lesson... BTW See you in remedial class for nxt term's sabbatical. Life is like that - you have to fact the consequences for your errors. You can learn from them -- but you need to accept the consequences.

I Am

I am the Wall
Grey Concrete Reinforced
Cold Steel
Your tongue breaks against
My Shield
Your whip cracks,
But i remain
The Cold, Grey Wall

I am the paper
On that Wall
Pink, Gay, Merry
I light the tunnel
Joke, Sing Dance
Words slide off,
I shrug off Your attacks
With laughter

I am the wail
The one I hear
Not the babe.
In the wall behind the paper
the man.
The Man,
Who dares cry;
I am no wall, I crack
I am no paper, I tear
My mind is no crucible
Your words scald me
burn me

I am the mimosa
I am frightened
I am no child
but darkness,
its scary.

But
if You hit me, if You hurt me
I remain
The Paper,
The Wall.

The Archetypical Scholar

William Tell shot an arrow
Tightened the screw, Checked the feathers,
bow, string, wind.
But missed
and it hit a tree.
Drew a cricle of white, red, white, around it,
Sat down and ate the apple.
Contentedly

I shot an arrow
Did my ACE, homework, studied for tests,
assignments
But missed nirvana.
The arrow was without point.
I studied but didnt study,
I learned but it unlearned!
and I hit the tree.

So I turned the bow around
shot
And hit nirvana
The easiest way...

Baptism by Fire!! Surviving the Mad Week

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for a day, but if u teach a man to fish he will eat for a week, then again, to cap it off, it you take a picture of the poor man, cleverly staged in the most bleak surroundings, with the man dressed in tattered rags, with the expert photographer capturing every heartrending sense of his dispair... He will probably get a donation of more than a lifetime's worth of fish, and probably never have to fish for a life time.

Put it simply, you can never keep the good entrepreneur and business eye down. Never resist the great offers in life that come by.

Once again, another of my random ramblings. As I go through my life indeed i apparently have become more padentic as i address stuff. Whislt my childhood was full of nonsense and total senseless behavious, this strange methodical approach to things seems to be growing on me. So perhaps i should hereby create a list of things that i shall be erm.. crapping about today.


1. School Life (The astounding amounts of Homework and the incredible incredulous instructors (teachers -- but man did u catch that alliteration?))
2. How to Improve your Essay 101 -- How to create the best introductory sentence?
3. My thoughts on the interesting nature of the Blogosphere...

Gosh this is one heck of a long post............

School Life
OK fine... got it.. everyone knows school life sucks... I mean how good can school life get? Really if you didnt know how bad school life was... I can assuredly say that you are not a Singaporean. (but maybe we won't go into THAT today) But there is something interesting about the usual stacks of homework, the boring lessons and the sometimes funny moments in school, its the incredulous teachers. I mean how can they give you one stack of homework and then keep a straight face while saying " all rite everybody, i expect you homework in the next day, if you do not there will be a lot of punishment meted out".

I mean, its like... (Picture teacher pushing items into students' hands) Right here, your math textbook about 1 page only, quite easy to do right not more than half and hour you should be done.. then heres you chinese worksheets. Comeon dont tell me 1l2 hr is too little to finish it? Then perhaps you can top it off with erm a history essay... OH looks like that stack of paper is toppling over... hmst maybe if i add like these 4 readings on top of it, it might stabilize it. Gosh you balance is real good with that pile of books there... hmst gosh i keep on getting distracted.. Ahh now i remember, heres a geog worksheet, and hmst what else.. gosh u got such an interesting expression on you face... Yes got it physics... heres you physics and chem worksheets and that should be it. Gosh you got real balance with that stack there. YOu've got real talent... Perhaps you should organize a sabbatical to teach people how to carry these stacks... I mean that's so cool.. Oh and remember, deadline's tomorrow!!

I mean... Wow real baptism by fire... Then comes the cool bit -- the Explanations -- I think later theres a cooler bit -- I think its called the teacher's meting out punishments....

Well in the first bit its like... You know in Harvard (at least if you dont die of stress in secondary school) you also have to do so much work... So if we kill you now, you will reincarnate into an immortal in your future life and then this work will seem like peanuts to you... Then the meting out of punishments is like... Hmst so how should i punish you? the hapless student goes ... but.. but.. Ahh i know maybe if i punish you more than the other teachers you will do my homework first. So everyone will punish you because you dont have time but if i punish you more... My job is complete...

Was that an evil laugh in the background??

Yeah so anyway thats school life for you. Comeone... homework -NO problem compared to those incredible teachers we've got!!

How to Improve Your Essay 101
Honestly, i would have wanted to do this another day, but since im in the mood, let it roll!! Well so one day i was thinking.. Say i wanted to write an essay but you know, the first word is so important. If the first sentece sucks, well the reader will not want to read it because he thinks its boring. So today, i have decided to give some examples that i have heard in my short span of life that offer some interesting, captivating and at times corny startings to essays speeches and what not.

heres one...

On a topic about confessions -- I've got a confession to make - I totally adore teletubbies
(ok... great er herm.. think its a bit cheesy? yeah teletubies are kind of green, purple and something else... but... well... Put it simply, i will spend the next 5 mins or so trying to figure out why you have this strange fetish.. and perhaps another 5 mins to call the hospital to arrange an appointment for you with the psychiatric dept)

hows another one

On a topic about secrets -- Shhhh Let me tell you a secret
(hmst actually quite ok except for the fact that erm when you tell a secret, its not really a secret anymore? hello? hope youve realised that...BUt the problem is, a good intro should not be screaming out to the reader "Someone told the writer that he needed a good intro so he did this" )

For fantasy stories, there actually are some good ones around

Perhaps someone took it too literally...
Yet another time, he choked, convulsed...
Thud... The sound of shit hitting the fan...

I certainly hope that you dont do the real "cool" ones like

"Lets go to the park today!" exclaimed my father as he burst into the room excitedly

My interesting comments on the Blogosphere
The blogosphere is certainly very interesting. I mean aside from the fact that it is made up of people who actually have a lot of time to blog... The fact remains that most of the blogs that function as diaries contain very jazzed up versions of their life. I admit that even in this post i have done so. So what exactly is a blog? Well people said its like a diary, but other people do use blogs as advertisement, story blogs, music, picture blogs, blogs which contain the works of an aspiring writer... Indeed in this new world, there is a great market for people who want to sell themselves (not in the bad way) but sell their ideas, to advertise how great they are. American idol did it, so do blogs, youtube, my space, friendster.

How about me... Well, i think that blogs are very beneficial to me. Firstly, I get to practice my english language, perhaps consider the thoughts that have been flying around my head for a long period of time. As cliche as it sounds, it does give you some time to reflect about stuff that happen to you. Generally, you shouldnt keep any pent up emotions in you, and blogs are an excellent way to relieve stress.

So now my stress is relieved, i shall now embark upon another day of erm say chipping of that top part of the stack of homework for no reason except to appease the teachers.

So now.. see you guys and well signing off on my second post... rite you can wakeup now.. im done...

Well on second thought, you must admit that the teachers are quite adorable arent they? they are like little kids competing to see who can dish out the worst punishment!!

Edit: I bet you when u read my first post (where i said that iwould be longwindded) you thought... Cant be very bad.. I mean how bad can a blog get... Then now you are thinking gosh ive seen the limit... Come one relax man.. its an acquired taste

Welcome to the Madhouse

Indeed, typing my first blog post sends shivers of excitement coursing through my veins. Nah... just joking. Having previously abstained from this interesting practice, peer pressure and its increasing popularity has influenced me to attempt to join this interesting blogosphere, a term if it is not already in existence that i have attached the meaning of the "blogging circle" to.

Generally, as is consistent with my nature and perhaps a pretaste for those who dont know me well, i will be either chatting casually giving cynical comments (as is my nature), or i will be trying my very best (but perhaps not succeeding to be poetic) or perhaps a little artistic when i try writing a story, others will probably include intellectual discussions of some random article that interests me.

Well, i have not had time to start up a blog and will probably not have time to continue updating it regularly. So please be forewarned...

Btw. If someone does find some interesting stuff on my blog and decides to use it for some project or other, or perhaps gains some inspiration from my blog... Pls put in a good word for me will ya?

Ps. Did i mention that i've got quite a big ego too??